The way things started ignited the hate in me, I was boiling with anger and wished I never asked about her. The comfort and pride in her voice everytime she said something unsettled me a lot. How can she really be comfortable at a point like this?, why doesn’t she feel sorry for what she did?, is she really okay with her children being raised by someone else?, does she know how we are surviving on the other end?, all these questions created a lump on a 10 year old me. So it happened that we were to stay with our grandmother while she stayed with her other kids at her own place, oh yes we realised that we had 3 other siblings from her. This was very unfair in all level of my understanding. I just visited my mom for the first time since she abondoned us, now here I am, abondoned again with an old lady while she had to enjoy her comfort with her children.
I felt so left out, so unloved and so hated. I needed her to hold me, hug me, kiss and apologize to me. Ask how I am doing, how school is, any friends that I have made? I guess my expectations were high for someone like her. I was shuttered beyond words. My eyes were boiling with fire. My throat was filled with a big lump and I could taste blood from my chest. I knew then that I was deafeted, and I could only but cry, to release the pain in me. To soothe my delicate heart and forgive myself for doubting my father and thinking that he hid an important person in my life. My mother was unbothered. She did not care neither did she want us…..😢😭